Late nights.
in the beginning
He created everything so beautifully
so divinely perfect in the purest form
can u imagine?
the beauty of the garden of eden.
i was revealed to once again of how wonderful everything was when it was initially made
how it was originally intended by Him
night night world.
thankYou for that wonderful little sharing with tam and yew tonight.
i'm gonna take a little stroll in that garden as i go to bed.
*deep breath through the nose*
ahhh..
Friday, December 30, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Friday, December 23, 2011
happy winter solstice?
a festival we celebrate even in a tropical country.
every year, it has become a tradition in my humble little family to make 'tang yuan' together
i never really kept track of when this day was coming for the past years,
because every morning when i wake up and make my way downstairs
and the scent of ginger + gula melaka soup reach my nasal cavities haha
i know, it's this season again :)
my younger brother and sister and me will gather around the table
and start the tang yuan making party. lol
from stirring the mixture till its sticky enough to plopping the tang yuans into the hot boiling soup to finally savour our sweet labour together
we do all of this together, including all the little arguments of who made the biggest tang yuan and who to plop them into the soup first.
that's how we would do it too for this year, but minus me out of the picture.
it's so sad for me to only appreciate small traditions like this until i'm this big.
it sucks to be away from home.
a festival we celebrate even in a tropical country.
every year, it has become a tradition in my humble little family to make 'tang yuan' together
i never really kept track of when this day was coming for the past years,
because every morning when i wake up and make my way downstairs
and the scent of ginger + gula melaka soup reach my nasal cavities haha
i know, it's this season again :)
my younger brother and sister and me will gather around the table
and start the tang yuan making party. lol
from stirring the mixture till its sticky enough to plopping the tang yuans into the hot boiling soup to finally savour our sweet labour together
we do all of this together, including all the little arguments of who made the biggest tang yuan and who to plop them into the soup first.
that's how we would do it too for this year, but minus me out of the picture.
it's so sad for me to only appreciate small traditions like this until i'm this big.
it sucks to be away from home.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
in the morning.
just felt like singing of His goodness this morning
He is just crazy good, inside out, upside down, rightside left? yes! :D
G D/F#
Your kindness leads me to repentance
Em7 Cmaj7
Your goodness draws me to Your side
G D/F#
Your mercy calls me to be like You
Em7 Cmaj7
Your favor is my delight
C D D/E Em D/F#
Every day, I’ll a waken my praise
Am7 C/G F2
And pour out a song from my heart
Chorus
Dsus4 D G D/F#
You are good, You are good
Em7 D C2
You are good, and Your mercy is forever
Dsus4 D G D/F#
You are good, You are good
Em7 Cmaj7
Your are good, and Your mercy is forever
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him. 30 It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31 Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”[a] 1 Corinthians 1:27-31Monday, December 19, 2011
I stand here and proclaim.
Whom have i in heaven
but You
there is nothing on earth i desire
beside You
my heart and my strength
many times they fail
but there is one truth
that always will prevail.
God is the strength of my heart.
God is the strength of my heart.
God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Whom have i in heaven
but You
there is nothing on earth i desire
beside You
my heart and my strength
many times they fail
but there is one truth
that always will prevail.
God is the strength of my heart.
God is the strength of my heart.
God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
a divine power.
".. i sense that you have very strong desires in your heart. not just for your talents or for your gifts.. a strong desire for God."
"you're very lonely at times too. even around people."
and i've never even told this brother anything personal about my life before.
he just simply senses it in his spirit.
i love conversing with this brother.
or to be more exact, i simply love listening to this brother talk.
there's so much encouragement.
there's truth, there's power, there's comfort in what he says.
he makes you do deep thinking. he dissects the Word in a way that just makes you go wow.
he spoke so much tonight, as usual, that i tried my best to keep up.
if you don't mind, flip to Romans 4:1-8 and read into it.
all this while when i;ve been reading it it has always been plain and un-outstanding for me.
righteousness.
"..and because of his faith God accepted him as righteous."
:)
next time i need to find a way to record down everything he says, and play it over and over and over again.
:p
so that i won't miss a single thing.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
340th post.
14.12.2011
was the last day of cf for sem 2.
there's so much to say, yet so little that are expressed.
i will miss you guys.
those that are going away.
especially you my dear friend.
i can't imagine the days ahead without having your joyous presence around.
i don't deal with separations well.
please bear with me.
yes, please take care and don't lose contact.
i will not forget a friend like you.
my prayers will be with you, always.
14.12.2011
was the last day of cf for sem 2.
there's so much to say, yet so little that are expressed.
i will miss you guys.
those that are going away.
especially you my dear friend.
i can't imagine the days ahead without having your joyous presence around.
i don't deal with separations well.
please bear with me.
yes, please take care and don't lose contact.
i will not forget a friend like you.
my prayers will be with you, always.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
I reminisce.
i've been missing those days, that the 3 of us XXX and XXX
haha.
no i won't say them out. i won't let u know what they are.
and don't think of something wrong.
what we did were purely wonderful memories i would never want to forget
:)
how i wish, that i can go back and re-live those days over and over again.
i cherished every second, every silliness, every step that we took.
and if i could let it repeat itself again,
i wouldn't wanna change a thing.
:)
i've been missing those days, that the 3 of us XXX and XXX
haha.
no i won't say them out. i won't let u know what they are.
and don't think of something wrong.
what we did were purely wonderful memories i would never want to forget
:)
how i wish, that i can go back and re-live those days over and over again.
i cherished every second, every silliness, every step that we took.
and if i could let it repeat itself again,
i wouldn't wanna change a thing.
:)
Sunday, December 11, 2011
bundle of blessings :D
hi guys,
i've just came back from a mission trip to HOPE IPOH
my first time to be part of this mission trip
went with expectations
and came back with a bundle of great experiences! haha :)
basically we went there to bless the people of hope ipoh.
since their church is slightly smaller in number, but the spirit they have is beyond the figures.
i'm only gonna talk about the night that we drove there, which was yesterday night.
5 of us squeezed in a cozy car.
driver was kian wee, passengers were me, tammie, kerry, and jiarong.
kerry wanted to teach us about prophetic praying.
wah, they were big words for me.
so we followed his instructions.
prophetic prayer in its simplest explanation means interceding for someone without asking what are their prayer requests. and completely praying in the spirit.
we began praying in tongue for 1 minute
then one by one pray a prophetic prayer for a particular person
after that, the person who was prayed for will share if the prayers actually helped or met their heart's desire.
throughout the entire journey, we just kept repeating this over and over.
taking turns in being prayed for, taking turns in interceding.
then we came to a certain 'level' (as kerry calls it xD)
whereby each person gives a picture or an object that they see while praying in the spirit,
and one person will prophesy based on those objects or pictures.
it was my turn to prophesy on what tammie and kerry saw for jiarong,
it was truly an amazing moment. being led by the spirit. not by your mind or heart.
remember, that was only my first time. i was so nervous but what a breakthrough!
jiarong said she was indeed blessed and touched by the prophecy.
hearing that, you can just feel goosebumps all over yourself.
she even said that,
as she was laying on her back looking up, as i was prophesy-ing,
she saw the top of the car as a see through roof,
and there was an angel, hovering above our car, following us as we move.
an angel!
there was no doubt, God was in our midst and all around us that night.
His presence was strong.
i've never felt so easy and prompted to speak and sing in tongue like that before.
:DD
kerry still shared sooo much with us that night,
sooo much that it's impossible for me to remember it all.
like how he always does.
whenever he has the chance he just talks and talks and talks.
and every word that he says will shake you.
he's really anointed, musically as well :)
of course,
he also prophesied for me! :P
so many uncountable confirmations through his lips by the Holy Spirit.
i remembered two things the most:
you don't have to be insecure anymore.
you can't earn what God has already given you.
i can't express the fullness i felt.
God is just.. ahh.. there is just no one like Him.
He breaths life,
He builds up,
He stirs your spirit in a way that nothing else ever can.
i will always remember this asddfgfggh beautiful encounter with You :)
hi guys,
i've just came back from a mission trip to HOPE IPOH
my first time to be part of this mission trip
went with expectations
and came back with a bundle of great experiences! haha :)
basically we went there to bless the people of hope ipoh.
since their church is slightly smaller in number, but the spirit they have is beyond the figures.
i'm only gonna talk about the night that we drove there, which was yesterday night.
5 of us squeezed in a cozy car.
driver was kian wee, passengers were me, tammie, kerry, and jiarong.
kerry wanted to teach us about prophetic praying.
wah, they were big words for me.
so we followed his instructions.
prophetic prayer in its simplest explanation means interceding for someone without asking what are their prayer requests. and completely praying in the spirit.
we began praying in tongue for 1 minute
then one by one pray a prophetic prayer for a particular person
after that, the person who was prayed for will share if the prayers actually helped or met their heart's desire.
throughout the entire journey, we just kept repeating this over and over.
taking turns in being prayed for, taking turns in interceding.
then we came to a certain 'level' (as kerry calls it xD)
whereby each person gives a picture or an object that they see while praying in the spirit,
and one person will prophesy based on those objects or pictures.
it was my turn to prophesy on what tammie and kerry saw for jiarong,
it was truly an amazing moment. being led by the spirit. not by your mind or heart.
remember, that was only my first time. i was so nervous but what a breakthrough!
jiarong said she was indeed blessed and touched by the prophecy.
hearing that, you can just feel goosebumps all over yourself.
she even said that,
as she was laying on her back looking up, as i was prophesy-ing,
she saw the top of the car as a see through roof,
and there was an angel, hovering above our car, following us as we move.
an angel!
there was no doubt, God was in our midst and all around us that night.
His presence was strong.
i've never felt so easy and prompted to speak and sing in tongue like that before.
:DD
kerry still shared sooo much with us that night,
sooo much that it's impossible for me to remember it all.
like how he always does.
whenever he has the chance he just talks and talks and talks.
and every word that he says will shake you.
he's really anointed, musically as well :)
of course,
he also prophesied for me! :P
so many uncountable confirmations through his lips by the Holy Spirit.
i remembered two things the most:
you don't have to be insecure anymore.
you can't earn what God has already given you.
i can't express the fullness i felt.
God is just.. ahh.. there is just no one like Him.
He breaths life,
He builds up,
He stirs your spirit in a way that nothing else ever can.
i will always remember this asddfgfggh beautiful encounter with You :)
Friday, December 9, 2011
i'm not much but..
i'm not the most confident person u will meet,
not a teacher's favourite.
i make unacceptable mistakes.
i can get my clothes all wet even by drinking from a water bottle. a complete klutz.
i overlook things.
forgetful beyond imagination.
which is why i set tonnes and tonnes of reminders everyday.
i'm socially awkward. i blog about my feelings more than i talk about them.
i'm easily insecure.
i rant. i complain. i throw tantrums at God when i'm unhappy.
i disregard my friend's needs sometimes. and put myself first.
don't call home as often as i should.
squeezes my 15 mins quiet time into 5 seconds when my body is weak.
participated in gossiping among non-believer friends.
hurt people's feelings.
have compromised with second best. and snatched the baton from God and went my own way.
ignored His voice and broke His heart.
God, do You seriously want to use me?
i mean, look at me.
i am not much.
i am imperfect and so unworthy.
if He was a god that flips open all my wrongs and counted my debts,
i would be thrown to the most bottom of pits. He wouldn't even want to look at me.
i am so filthy on the inside.
but, He's not.
a personal father. and lover.
personal God.
He is all the glory, all the beauty, and all the perfection.
i can never measure up. to even be anywhere near His feet.
He pulls me close even when i bailed out on Him.
He already wants me even when i'm still struggling on what i can give to Him.
2010 is ending,
this year, was just a complete crazy wild ride.
and i want next year to be crazier :)
i'm jumping in excitement thinking of where He'll place me in a new year that's ahead.
greater leaps, greater courage, greater encounters, a greater heart.
just a few weeks left and that'll be the end of it.
i know He's smiling, thinking about what He'd already planned for me.
i just know it :)
always encouraged when i read these words:
"Hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; Perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not abandoned; Struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:9
that's what i'mgonnabe.
:)
i'm not the most confident person u will meet,
not a teacher's favourite.
i make unacceptable mistakes.
i can get my clothes all wet even by drinking from a water bottle. a complete klutz.
i overlook things.
forgetful beyond imagination.
which is why i set tonnes and tonnes of reminders everyday.
i'm socially awkward. i blog about my feelings more than i talk about them.
i'm easily insecure.
i rant. i complain. i throw tantrums at God when i'm unhappy.
i disregard my friend's needs sometimes. and put myself first.
don't call home as often as i should.
squeezes my 15 mins quiet time into 5 seconds when my body is weak.
participated in gossiping among non-believer friends.
hurt people's feelings.
have compromised with second best. and snatched the baton from God and went my own way.
ignored His voice and broke His heart.
God, do You seriously want to use me?
i mean, look at me.
i am not much.
i am imperfect and so unworthy.
if He was a god that flips open all my wrongs and counted my debts,
i would be thrown to the most bottom of pits. He wouldn't even want to look at me.
i am so filthy on the inside.
but, He's not.
a personal father. and lover.
personal God.
He is all the glory, all the beauty, and all the perfection.
i can never measure up. to even be anywhere near His feet.
He pulls me close even when i bailed out on Him.
He already wants me even when i'm still struggling on what i can give to Him.
2010 is ending,
this year, was just a complete crazy wild ride.
and i want next year to be crazier :)
i'm jumping in excitement thinking of where He'll place me in a new year that's ahead.
greater leaps, greater courage, greater encounters, a greater heart.
just a few weeks left and that'll be the end of it.
i know He's smiling, thinking about what He'd already planned for me.
i just know it :)
always encouraged when i read these words:
"Hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; Perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not abandoned; Struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:9
that's what i'mgonnabe.
:)
Thursday, December 8, 2011
He hugged me.
today
it was my very first time playing guitar during a praise and worship session.
i anticipated fear and anxiousness
to overwhelm me today.
in fact, i was. to be honest :p
i placed all these super negative thoughts in myself, because i judged myself from my own skills.
but God was testing my heart.
what was i actually giving Him?
my talents? my ability to play?
or
my heart?
i pondered upon it,
until the time when i was coming to the end of the last song during worship,
only did i truly allowed God to come into me.
i was so defensive.
but then He came.
He brought comfort that NOTHING can ever compare.
a gentle lover He is, there was no stopping of His comfort and peace :)
only at that very moment, i stopped caring about what others thought of my playing.
at that brief few seconds, i was with no one but God.
face to face, one on one. His heart to mine.
i felt Him so close. i was touched.
it was. amazing.
yes!
i encountered Him during the last few seconds of worship,
it was so short but gosh, He felt so near.
i knew He was there and just hugging me. so tender :')
i long for more moments like this, God.
if i passed out on this chance of playing for you today, i would've missed this chance.
You are just so so, good.
:) :) :) :)
today
it was my very first time playing guitar during a praise and worship session.
i anticipated fear and anxiousness
to overwhelm me today.
in fact, i was. to be honest :p
i placed all these super negative thoughts in myself, because i judged myself from my own skills.
but God was testing my heart.
what was i actually giving Him?
my talents? my ability to play?
or
my heart?
i pondered upon it,
until the time when i was coming to the end of the last song during worship,
only did i truly allowed God to come into me.
i was so defensive.
but then He came.
He brought comfort that NOTHING can ever compare.
a gentle lover He is, there was no stopping of His comfort and peace :)
only at that very moment, i stopped caring about what others thought of my playing.
at that brief few seconds, i was with no one but God.
face to face, one on one. His heart to mine.
i felt Him so close. i was touched.
it was. amazing.
yes!
i encountered Him during the last few seconds of worship,
it was so short but gosh, He felt so near.
i knew He was there and just hugging me. so tender :')
i long for more moments like this, God.
if i passed out on this chance of playing for you today, i would've missed this chance.
You are just so so, good.
:) :) :) :)
Sunday, December 4, 2011
i can't stand it.
it's good that two people are behaving tolerable with one another,
being open to anything, to the extent of being indecisive.
if it is, then i just can't stand it.
sometimes, all we need is just that one person who can just take the lead.
make decisions instead of saying 'anything la'
argue a little instead of saying 'up to you la'
i would prefer it, if you at least have a mind of your own. instead of being a robot all the time.
it's good that two people are behaving tolerable with one another,
being open to anything, to the extent of being indecisive.
if it is, then i just can't stand it.
sometimes, all we need is just that one person who can just take the lead.
make decisions instead of saying 'anything la'
argue a little instead of saying 'up to you la'
i would prefer it, if you at least have a mind of your own. instead of being a robot all the time.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
My God reigns.
just a few days ago,
i was still headache and super worried about not being able to finish my assignments on time by tomorrow and tuesday.
i prayed, earnestly, that God would help me through it.
5 assignments, all to be handed in before the end of tuesday.
before i fly off to Kuching for MNC (Malaysia National Convention)
shall tell u guys more about it when its nearer.
the crazy part is this,
i had so much peace in me.
SO MUCH.
even on the outside i looked calm. maybe dead, but at least i was calm. LOL.
it's not right. to rush 5 assignments in 1 week's time. you're supposed to look frustrated and discouraged!
but of course, the last minute part is not good la. heh!
but that was not it.
i still have a few bits left, and i know i can gao dim everything just in time. nicely. poof. on the spot.
because my Daddy is great.
my Daddy reigns over all.
and He inspires me through the people around me,
letting me see real life examples.
it is so motivating and encouraging :)
through Him, really, nothing is impossible lo.
do u believe?!
just a few days ago,
i was still headache and super worried about not being able to finish my assignments on time by tomorrow and tuesday.
i prayed, earnestly, that God would help me through it.
5 assignments, all to be handed in before the end of tuesday.
before i fly off to Kuching for MNC (Malaysia National Convention)
shall tell u guys more about it when its nearer.
the crazy part is this,
i had so much peace in me.
SO MUCH.
even on the outside i looked calm. maybe dead, but at least i was calm. LOL.
it's not right. to rush 5 assignments in 1 week's time. you're supposed to look frustrated and discouraged!
but of course, the last minute part is not good la. heh!
but that was not it.
i still have a few bits left, and i know i can gao dim everything just in time. nicely. poof. on the spot.
because my Daddy is great.
my Daddy reigns over all.
and He inspires me through the people around me,
letting me see real life examples.
it is so motivating and encouraging :)
through Him, really, nothing is impossible lo.
do u believe?!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
"that's my sister," proud to say.
i find this picture from tumblr suits my sister perfectly.
she is seriously the SAMPATest homo sapien related to me.
i don't think anyone can be more retarded than her.
i don't care if i look super beautiful in this photo.
it's just too good not to share.
she is the ultimate SSer, as well.
that's my little brother in there btw.
she pulls the silliest faces,
she laughs at the smallest things,
she never fails to make me laugh until stomachache when we're together.
NEVER.
even when we chat on facebook, i can just imagine her saying those words to me as if we're face to face
and will start laughing by myself.
i don't get to see her everyday anymore.
i don't get to hear her voice whenever i want, like i used to.
she's only 15 when i left home.
i try to be the best big sister she can have even if we're apart.
tell her things that are happening.
ask her how're things going for her.
..
i never knew we had to grow up so fast.
i can never ask for such a person to be in my life, to be so awesomely bonded by blood.
only God can bless me like this.
i only realized all the things that i could have done for her back then but couldn't now.
yeah i know this post is so emo, i didnt intended it!
i just miss having a little sister to bug me
i miss having that someone who never fails to cheer me up.
i miss that close connection with little sis.
when u don't get to see someone so often anymore,
only u'll start to cherish them.
cherish them today.
every minute of it.
if u still get to see them every day, every week.
u're so dearly blessed.
i'd be so grateful.
:')
Saturday, November 12, 2011
loading the big picture.
all this time i hardened myself to think i don't care.
but what had happened made me realized two things.
first, i did care. and in fact i care a lot.
second, i'm more clear of who u are and who i am now.
but after today, i was more reassured.
this is not yet the right time and not yet the right guy.
it is only through interactions that u can see how a person's thinking really goes.
if a relationship can only go skin deep, i wonder how long it'll last.
two person can only chat and joke.
have that tingly and electrifying feeling when u're around each other.
is that all that really matters?
through what i experienced and felt these few days, i know He doesn't ever want me to settle for second best.
aim for the best, daughter :)
everytime i let myself slide back into my old perception of stuffs,
God not only speaks but shows me through my interaction with people.
to my future someone that i've not met yet (:
i'm yearning to be that special someone who can listen to your problems,
your endless stories and encounters with God.
your complaints and frustrations.
sharing of random bible verses. worshiping together. ahhh :)
and also who u can freely tell of the little good things God has done to u each and everyday.
and for me, i can share all my boring thoughts to you.
how God spoke to me and random inspirations from the people around me.
i can know for sure u are more than attentive.
a connection that goes beyond what words can express, what actions can ever say.
i want our relationship to be filled with God's presence.
have His fingerprints legprints all over it.
each day of our walk, we bond closer because of our love for Him. not because of the things we can do for each other by our own means and strength.
i believe in childlike love towards Daddy.
i want myself to grow more in learning to love Him before i can ever love that someone special.
loving Him, such a big word.
and now as a student, i know i wanna give my best years to God now. serving Him with all my energy, youth and time.
and He will let me go through what i have to to make me that someone.
i'm praying for you though i've yet to know you.
let's let Him penetrate into our lives to the fullest and just grasp and imitate that love of His.
focus on what we have to.
who cares about the rest? :p
:)
Daddy says, wait.
till i meet you.
all this time i hardened myself to think i don't care.
but what had happened made me realized two things.
first, i did care. and in fact i care a lot.
second, i'm more clear of who u are and who i am now.
but after today, i was more reassured.
this is not yet the right time and not yet the right guy.
it is only through interactions that u can see how a person's thinking really goes.
if a relationship can only go skin deep, i wonder how long it'll last.
two person can only chat and joke.
have that tingly and electrifying feeling when u're around each other.
is that all that really matters?
through what i experienced and felt these few days, i know He doesn't ever want me to settle for second best.
aim for the best, daughter :)
everytime i let myself slide back into my old perception of stuffs,
God not only speaks but shows me through my interaction with people.
to my future someone that i've not met yet (:
i'm yearning to be that special someone who can listen to your problems,
your endless stories and encounters with God.
your complaints and frustrations.
sharing of random bible verses. worshiping together. ahhh :)
and also who u can freely tell of the little good things God has done to u each and everyday.
and for me, i can share all my boring thoughts to you.
how God spoke to me and random inspirations from the people around me.
i can know for sure u are more than attentive.
a connection that goes beyond what words can express, what actions can ever say.
i want our relationship to be filled with God's presence.
have His fingerprints legprints all over it.
each day of our walk, we bond closer because of our love for Him. not because of the things we can do for each other by our own means and strength.
i believe in childlike love towards Daddy.
i want myself to grow more in learning to love Him before i can ever love that someone special.
loving Him, such a big word.
and now as a student, i know i wanna give my best years to God now. serving Him with all my energy, youth and time.
and He will let me go through what i have to to make me that someone.
i'm praying for you though i've yet to know you.
let's let Him penetrate into our lives to the fullest and just grasp and imitate that love of His.
focus on what we have to.
who cares about the rest? :p
:)
Daddy says, wait.
till i meet you.
Friday, November 11, 2011
i am thinking of you.
i should be studying.
an important test tomorrow.
but images of you keep coming into my mind.
i reread the email from dad again.
i don't know how many times i've read it.
each time i come to a point that the sentences just breaks my heart into pieces.
there's so much that i don't know.
the things that are happening.
the things that my parents and relatives are going through for their father.
the only one that they have.
yet, i still know so little about him.
all this while he's only been a figure of whom i call grandpa.
a blurry figure.
i confess i cared so little. i knew so little.
my dad may be stubborn, my dad maybe strict with us,
but now i know where he is coming from.
they had to live a hard life, so that today i may have what i have.
scars and bruises. shackles from the past that they just can't break free from.
my heart broke so many times this week that i lost count.
my family may not be perfect,
but God loves it.
in all His fullness and goodness and perfectness,
He still holds us so closely to His heart.
Lord, i don't know how much i can do.
i commit with my prayers.
i believe with all my heart. God, healing and restoration will come.
Lord, help me love.
love with Your perfect love.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Corinthians 13:4-7
i should be studying.
an important test tomorrow.
but images of you keep coming into my mind.
i reread the email from dad again.
i don't know how many times i've read it.
each time i come to a point that the sentences just breaks my heart into pieces.
there's so much that i don't know.
the things that are happening.
the things that my parents and relatives are going through for their father.
the only one that they have.
yet, i still know so little about him.
all this while he's only been a figure of whom i call grandpa.
a blurry figure.
i confess i cared so little. i knew so little.
my dad may be stubborn, my dad maybe strict with us,
but now i know where he is coming from.
they had to live a hard life, so that today i may have what i have.
scars and bruises. shackles from the past that they just can't break free from.
my heart broke so many times this week that i lost count.
my family may not be perfect,
but God loves it.
in all His fullness and goodness and perfectness,
He still holds us so closely to His heart.
Lord, i don't know how much i can do.
i commit with my prayers.
i believe with all my heart. God, healing and restoration will come.
Lord, help me love.
love with Your perfect love.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Corinthians 13:4-7
Saturday, November 5, 2011
empty promises to myself.
*CAUTION. this will be an emo post.
serve as a read & run post only.
:)
i'm waiting for the day to come when you stop defending.
when you stop fighting.
and i know when that day comes,
i'll hear sounds of broken glass clinking to the ground.
millions of'em.
be it all the hopes, all the bittersweet memories.
this organ that is still beating, as fragile as it is,
i'll hear it break.
i thought i could be wiser,
i thought i could keep to my own promise.
gah, this stinks.
*CAUTION. this will be an emo post.
serve as a read & run post only.
:)
i'm waiting for the day to come when you stop defending.
when you stop fighting.
and i know when that day comes,
i'll hear sounds of broken glass clinking to the ground.
millions of'em.
be it all the hopes, all the bittersweet memories.
this organ that is still beating, as fragile as it is,
i'll hear it break.
i thought i could be wiser,
i thought i could keep to my own promise.
gah, this stinks.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
The Master Clock.
there. is. just. simply. no. doubt.
of His incredibly scary timing.
the incidents happen right after another!
to the point that it's ridiculously obvious He wants to get the message through to me, loud and clear.
i was disappointed.
i was reminded.
i was accepted back.
i was encouraged.
i was reminded again.
and again
and again..
i don't deserve yet He still insists.
He wants to show me.
break me till there's nothing left.
then build me anew again.
God that keeps me growing,
He wants me stagnant no more, and He means bussiness.
i scrunch my eyebrows everytime He's about to break me again.
but He doesn't stop there.
He works.
He is so real and He's proven it.
people that's been in my group of sharing today will know roughly what i'm talking about.
:)
i'd share it over and over
strip my sinner self bare. no pretense can cover me.
My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke,
because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.
because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.
prov 3:11-12
:)
not in the picture.
i feel like stepping back.
i feel like making my way down the stairs and go right out the exit.
it's no longer right anymore, it's no longer the same.
but if it will become where it seems like it's heading, no doubt i will be more than supportive.
you've been a great friend despite whatsoever.
i hope nothing but the best.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
two things.
i've been met with a few incidents that managed to make me smile to myself these few days.
that kind of smile that gives u warm and fuzzy feelings inside.
friends sharing simple joy & contentment after a good shopping trip. (what i witnessed while taking the public bus)
a mother feeling proud of her young kids singing & dancing praising our wonderful God. (what i saw while browsing through facebook pictures)
i don't know why but i just can't help it.
feels kind of idiotic but it cheered me up in my 'solemn' moments.
haha.
just a thought to share.
what made u smile today?
:)
i've been met with a few incidents that managed to make me smile to myself these few days.
that kind of smile that gives u warm and fuzzy feelings inside.
friends sharing simple joy & contentment after a good shopping trip. (what i witnessed while taking the public bus)
a mother feeling proud of her young kids singing & dancing praising our wonderful God. (what i saw while browsing through facebook pictures)
i don't know why but i just can't help it.
feels kind of idiotic but it cheered me up in my 'solemn' moments.
haha.
just a thought to share.
what made u smile today?
:)
Thursday, October 27, 2011
a random thing i did.
was listening to Owl City's In Christ Alone
while flipping through the photos in my "Aletoire Photography" album.
in OUR photo album, to be more correct :)
silly me reminiscing memories from that day that we crazily and spontaneously drove around, took lotsa lotsa pictures, sang songs, played the guitar by the beach.
it was a beautiful memory :D :)
yeah, i miss you guys.
& i don't care if i've already shared these photos everywhere possible.
lalalala...
was listening to Owl City's In Christ Alone
while flipping through the photos in my "Aletoire Photography" album.
in OUR photo album, to be more correct :)
silly me reminiscing memories from that day that we crazily and spontaneously drove around, took lotsa lotsa pictures, sang songs, played the guitar by the beach.
it was a beautiful memory :D :)
i still really love this picture.
captures the meaning perfectly.
the silly things we do.
aerobics slash photographer.
yeah, i miss you guys.
& i don't care if i've already shared these photos everywhere possible.
lalalala...
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)