Just Roxanne.

i'm not much but..



i'm not the most confident person u will meet,
not a teacher's favourite.
i make unacceptable mistakes.
i can get my clothes all wet even by drinking from a water bottle. a complete klutz. 
i overlook things.
forgetful beyond imagination.
which is why i set tonnes and tonnes of reminders everyday. 
i'm socially awkward. i blog about my feelings more than i talk about them.
i'm easily insecure.
i rant. i complain. i throw tantrums at God when i'm unhappy.
i disregard my friend's needs sometimes. and put myself first.
don't call home as often as i should.
squeezes my 15 mins quiet time into 5 seconds when my body is weak. 
participated in gossiping among non-believer friends.
hurt people's feelings.
have compromised with second best. and snatched the baton from God and went my own way. 
ignored His voice and broke His heart.



God, do You seriously want to use me? 
i mean, look at me.

i am not much.
i am imperfect and so unworthy.
if He was a god that flips open all my wrongs and counted my debts,
i would be thrown to the most bottom of pits. He wouldn't even want to look at me. 
i am so filthy on the inside. 
but, He's not.
a personal father. and lover. 
personal God.
He is all the glory, all the beauty, and all the perfection. 
i can never measure up. to even be anywhere near His feet. 
He pulls me close even when i bailed out on Him.
He already wants me even when i'm still struggling on what i can give to Him.




2010 is ending,
this year, was just a complete crazy wild ride.
and i want next year to be crazier :)
i'm jumping in excitement thinking of where He'll place me in a new year that's ahead.
greater leaps, greater courage, greater encounters, a greater heart. 
just a few weeks left and that'll be the end of it.
i know He's smiling, thinking about what He'd already planned for me.
i just know it :)




always encouraged when i read these words:
"Hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; Perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not abandoned; Struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:9


that's what i'mgonnabe.
:)