Just Roxanne.

i am thinking of you.


i should be studying.
an important test tomorrow.
but images of you keep coming into my mind.
i reread the email from dad again.
i don't know how many times i've read it.
each time i come to a point that the sentences just breaks my heart into pieces.


there's so much that i don't know.
the things that are happening.
the things that my parents and relatives are going through for their father.
the only one that they have.
yet, i still know so little about him.


all this while he's only been a figure of whom i call grandpa.
a blurry figure.
i confess i cared so little. i knew so little.
my dad may be stubborn, my dad maybe strict with us,
but now i know where he is coming from.
they had to live a hard life, so that today i may have what i have.
scars and bruises. shackles from the past that they just can't break free from.


my heart broke so many times this week that i lost count.
my family may not be perfect,
but God loves it.
in all His fullness and goodness and perfectness,
He still holds us so closely to His heart.


Lord, i don't know how much i can do.
i commit with my prayers.
i believe with all my heart. God, healing and restoration will come.
Lord, help me love.
love with Your perfect love.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Corinthians 13:4-7