you know you can trust someone when..


u feel security.
ur worries lessen and somehow u just now everything will turn out right when u're talking to that someone.
most of the times, someone wiser.
elder and richer in experience.
there simply is an assurance.


and there's peace.
:)

I reminisce.



i've been missing those days, that the 3 of us XXX and XXX 
haha.
no i won't say them out. i won't let u know what they are.
and don't think of something wrong.
what we did were purely wonderful memories i would never want to forget 
:)


how i wish, that i can go back and re-live those days over and over again.
i cherished every second, every silliness, every step that we took.




and if i could let it repeat itself again,
i wouldn't wanna change a thing.
:)

bundle of blessings :D


hi guys,
i've just came back from a mission trip to HOPE IPOH
my first time to be part of this mission trip
went with expectations 
and came back with a bundle of great experiences! haha :)


basically we went there to bless the people of hope ipoh.
since their church is slightly smaller in number, but the spirit they have is beyond the figures.
i'm only gonna talk about the night that we drove there, which was yesterday night.
5 of us squeezed in a cozy car.
driver was kian wee, passengers were me, tammie, kerry, and jiarong.
kerry wanted to teach us about prophetic praying.
wah, they were big words for me.


so we followed his instructions.

prophetic prayer in its simplest explanation means interceding for someone without asking what are their prayer requests. and completely praying in the spirit. 

we began praying in tongue for 1 minute 
then one by one pray a prophetic prayer for a particular person
after that, the person who was prayed for will share if the prayers actually helped or met their heart's desire. 
throughout the entire journey, we just kept repeating this over and over.
taking turns in being prayed for, taking turns in interceding. 


then we came to a certain 'level' (as kerry calls it xD)
whereby each person gives a picture or an object that they see while praying in the spirit,
and one person will prophesy based on those objects or pictures.


it was my turn to prophesy on what tammie and kerry saw for jiarong,
it was truly an amazing moment. being led by the spirit. not by your mind or heart.
remember, that was only my first time. i was so nervous but what a breakthrough!
jiarong said she was indeed blessed and touched by the prophecy. 
hearing that, you can just feel goosebumps all over yourself.






she even said that,
as she was laying on her back looking up, as i was prophesy-ing,
she saw the top of the car as a see through roof, 
and there was an angel, hovering above our car, following us as we move. 




an angel!
there was no doubt, God was in our midst and all around us that night.
His presence was strong.
i've never felt so easy and prompted to speak and sing in tongue like that before.
:DD




kerry still shared sooo much with us that night,
sooo much that it's impossible for me to remember it all.
like how he always does. 
whenever he has the chance he just talks and talks and talks.
and every word that he says will shake you.
he's really anointed, musically as well :)




of course,
he also prophesied for me! :P
so many uncountable confirmations through his lips by the Holy Spirit.
i remembered two things the most:
you don't have to be insecure anymore.
you can't earn what God has already given you.


i can't express the fullness i felt.
God is just.. ahh.. there is just no one like Him.
He breaths life,
He builds up,
He stirs your spirit in a way that nothing else ever can.




i will always remember this asddfgfggh beautiful encounter with You :)

i'm not much but..



i'm not the most confident person u will meet,
not a teacher's favourite.
i make unacceptable mistakes.
i can get my clothes all wet even by drinking from a water bottle. a complete klutz. 
i overlook things.
forgetful beyond imagination.
which is why i set tonnes and tonnes of reminders everyday. 
i'm socially awkward. i blog about my feelings more than i talk about them.
i'm easily insecure.
i rant. i complain. i throw tantrums at God when i'm unhappy.
i disregard my friend's needs sometimes. and put myself first.
don't call home as often as i should.
squeezes my 15 mins quiet time into 5 seconds when my body is weak. 
participated in gossiping among non-believer friends.
hurt people's feelings.
have compromised with second best. and snatched the baton from God and went my own way. 
ignored His voice and broke His heart.



God, do You seriously want to use me? 
i mean, look at me.

i am not much.
i am imperfect and so unworthy.
if He was a god that flips open all my wrongs and counted my debts,
i would be thrown to the most bottom of pits. He wouldn't even want to look at me. 
i am so filthy on the inside. 
but, He's not.
a personal father. and lover. 
personal God.
He is all the glory, all the beauty, and all the perfection. 
i can never measure up. to even be anywhere near His feet. 
He pulls me close even when i bailed out on Him.
He already wants me even when i'm still struggling on what i can give to Him.




2010 is ending,
this year, was just a complete crazy wild ride.
and i want next year to be crazier :)
i'm jumping in excitement thinking of where He'll place me in a new year that's ahead.
greater leaps, greater courage, greater encounters, a greater heart. 
just a few weeks left and that'll be the end of it.
i know He's smiling, thinking about what He'd already planned for me.
i just know it :)




always encouraged when i read these words:
"Hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; Perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not abandoned; Struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:9


that's what i'mgonnabe.
:) 

He hugged me.


today 
it was my very first time playing guitar during a praise and worship session.
i anticipated fear and anxiousness
to overwhelm me today.
in fact, i was. to be honest :p
i placed all these super negative thoughts in myself, because i judged myself from my own skills.
but God was testing my heart.
what was i actually giving Him?
my talents? my ability to play?
or
my heart? 


i pondered upon it,
until the time when i was coming to the end of the last song during worship,
only did i truly allowed God to come into me.
i was so defensive.
but then He came.
He brought comfort that NOTHING can ever compare.
a gentle lover He is, there was no stopping of His comfort and peace :)
only at that very moment, i stopped caring about what others thought of my playing.
at that brief few seconds, i was with no one but God.
face to face, one on one. His heart to mine. 
i felt Him so close. i was touched. 
it was. amazing.


yes!
i encountered Him during the last few seconds of worship,
it was so short but gosh, He felt so near. 
i knew He was there and just hugging me. so tender :')
i long for more moments like this, God.
if i passed out on this chance of playing for you today, i would've missed this chance.
You are just so so, good.


:) :) :) :)

walls, won't you crumble down?


i care about you.
that's why i'm trying to understand you.
but you're not making this any easier at all.


& i'm so tired.

i can't stand it.




it's good that two people are behaving tolerable with one another,
being open to anything, to the extent of being indecisive. 
if it is, then i just can't stand it.
sometimes, all we need is just that one person who can just take the lead.
make decisions instead of saying 'anything la'
argue a little instead of saying 'up to you la'


i would prefer it, if you at least have a mind of your own. instead of being a robot all the time.