Just Roxanne.

Me and my God's battle.


I needed to hear this spoken.
I needed to see this written.




our past have certain ways to get to us
past hurts and memories might still have one of its hook clinging on our sleeves
it will not 100% leave us
though forgiveness and reconciliation has taken place
from the smallest thing that happens in the here and now
might bring back some bitterness 
and stings us right in the heart again


'ouch, see? this was what happened. you did this/ they betrayed you/ you cheated/ she lied/ he hurt you at that time of your life.
here's a little reminder of how that felt just in case you've forgotten. are you sure you can trust yourself/him/her/them again?'


the little tricks the devil tries to play in my head.


but the amazing thing is
when we've learned to forgive and let go of these incidents that once hit our lives so strongly
by seeing how our God had done the same to forgive us more than 2000 years ago
we realize forgiveness is not ours to give
it was paid with the high cost of Jesus's blood being entirely shed
so that we may be washed clean 
once again to connect with God.
because of love.
His love.
and nothing lesser.


how miraculously it happened!
how overwhelming His grace!
how He loves us.


when i find myself deep down in a dark pit again
dwelling on the lies and sin and condemnation of the deceiver 
I could look up and see the very proof of love itself
displayed proudly for all to see
for all to remember
for all to know
how our God loves us
how He has never wavered or moved
how His mercy and grace remains flowing abundantly
all from the things done on the cross
that took our place down in that pit.


with power coming from the inside
I find myself rising above my circumstances and gaining courage again
NO, i'm no longer condemned
NO, i'm no longer a sinner
YES, i'm amazingly forgiven
YES, i'm forever changed.


and how it changes the situation around is,
Strength and courage to forgive does not come from me
it takes so much to really let down that grudge or heal from that wound
but who we were and what we've done or what they've done
is ALL taken away by Jesus
and replaced with brand new slates for all who believes in Him
I depend on my God and put my full trust in Him and nothing less
He is my strength.
He is my rock.


The Everlasting.


"Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for You are close beside me. Your rod and Your staff protect and comfort me." Psalms 23