Warm me up

These two days I've had the wonderful honor of being guests of two very awesome cooks.
I'm really full (not just with the food) with thankfulness now. Bahaha

Though yesterday was one of the most mentally and physically challenging day in a long time
the reward was great at the end of the day.
thank God so much for His sufficient loving grace.


--
Rainy seasons. Rainy days.
They make me rather moody too with all these dark clouds.
Come soon, sunshine days.

The more you close yourself in, the colder your heart gets.
The less capable you are to love.
Feeling a little cold-hearted lately.
Lord let it not start to frost.
I need the sunshiny days to warm it up.
I know for too sure, that, the people around me are so real.
Created to be as tangible as can be.
There are impacts in every word I say and everything I do.
I can't close my eyes and pretend people are not there.
The more I go out into the crowd and open myself up, the more I'll get tried and hurt.
But in another light, I will also get surprised and touched by how we're all perfectly human.
Capable of healing and loving and growing.
We seek to bring out the best in people because the Lord of lords gave the best for us.
We strive to lead people to the right way because we know where it goes.
We want to love and to be loved even more, because there is simply no greater thing in this world than His love.
and we, me especially, cannot and will not want to do all that if God is not the reason.
So it's okay, put yourself out there because not for a second will it be for nothing.
Seasons will change. Rainy days come and go.
Don't lose hope.

:)
:)
:)

Let's be honest.

Tonight I discovered what is the best working environment for me.

Solitude.
I am so efficient when I'm alone. And so focused too.
Give me a quiet evening and leave me be and I'll be able to work in the lightest spirit.

This is only applicable when I'm doing work that requires a lot, and I mean a lot of brain action.
When it comes down to it, my mind appreciates an uninterrupted space to work.
Not even music is permissible (sadly) :'(
Unless you are doing the work with me, don't talk to me at all.
I guess that's just the kind of working environment that fuels me better.

I don't know about you but I feel such a discovery is gonna help me so much next time.
Finding your best sides and start there.

Happy working!

Yum

Love music like this that has that out of this world kind of feel.

This. Also rekindled a spark in me to learn a new tune on the piano again.

Haha

Thank God for this beautiful gift of music

They just bring spectrum of emotions to another level

Ooooh

Empowered

"Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. "

Dont run on a fire that can only sustain u for a short while. Enjoy the journey and God's presence that will surely last u till the end of the race :)

Watch "Why Your Church Doesn't Feel Like A Family" on YouTube

:')
This shook my heart
It's a simple truth
The connection, frustration, hopes, regrets, highs, lows.. EVERYTHING.
it's all in the package of a family
It's not always a warm and fuzzy feeling and filled with joyful songs
A real family endures together and serves each other, good AND bad times.

I want to be in a real family. Not a one i fantasize about.

Songs after songs after songs...

When the Spirit works, you can't stop it. You can't even deny it.
Your words don't feel like your own, but they're flowing out like living water. Bringing with it life, hope, and peace.
You see all lights fading out and leaving only one. The everlasting light of God.
When you experience it, you just know it can't be from this world.
A God so great. A love so real.

This is my reality.

How You make my heart flutter, oh God! :)

happy mind, happy thoughts.

so i'm finally taking up the French language for this short 7 weeks of crash course.

It's like deja vu to actually learn such a "romantic" language properly.

i think little Madeline from my childhood would be quite happy.

thankfully i found myself really enjoying the class

repetition and a focused mind are the way to go

not one second did i find my mind wandering elsewhere

finally! haven't learned something so attentively for quite a while :D

hope it's not just a heat of the moment

but a steady, quiet yet consistent flow of interest. 

someone wise once said, "you can go to the best school and learn nothing because you didn't want to learn anything."

be there. be interested. be hungry.

i'm blessed to have a chance to learn :)

A cold night

I miss home.
I miss the person i could be at home.

I miss my family.

Midnight reads.

"The idea that 'being in love' is the only reason for remaining married really leaves no room for marriage as a contract or promise at all. If love is the whole thing, then the promise can add nothing; and if it adds nothing, then it should not be made...

...And of course, the promise, made when i am in love and because i am in love, to be true to the beloved as long as i live, commits me to being true even if i cease to be in love. A promise must be about things that I can do, about actions: no one can promise go on feeling in a certain way. He might as well promise never to have a headache or always to feel hungry...

...but of course, ceasing to be 'in love' need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense --love as distinct from 'being in love'-- is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other, as you love yoursekf when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be 'in love' with someone else. Being in love first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it. "

C.S. Lewis.

What to eat?

When there's a physical hunger you naturally look for something to satisfy it. You may eat almost any food because at that moment, it is enough as long as it fills ur stomach. U may not end up eating food that benefits ur body in the long run. But at the time, it doesnt really matter.

Then what happens when there's spiritual hunger? A desire in the spirit for something. Maybe it's love or security or acceptance or a sort of high. U may end up looking for it in a romantic relationship, material wealth, gossip, public attention, sexual arousals etc. It may satisfy u n u'll come back looking for it again the second time. But it gives ur spirit no lasting benefits.

God built in us that desire n only God alone can satisfy it.

Take in the things that feed ur spirit the best when u are hungry. Let it stay n brew in u and u'll experience the difference that it brings. The difference that no worldly thing can make.

what a strong prayer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsQwPDda-ls

I have built a city here 
Half with pride and half with fear 
Just wanted a safer place to hide 
I don't want to be safe tonight 

I need You like a hurricane 
Thunder crashing, wind and rain 
To tear my walls down 
I'm only Yours now 
I need you like a burning flame 
A wild fire untamed 
To burn these walls down 
I'm only Yours now I'm only Yours now 

I am Yours and You are mine 
You know far better than I 
And if destruction's what I need 
Then I'll receive it Lord from Thee 
Yes, I'll receive it Lord from Thee 

And it's Your eye in the storm 
Watching over me 
And it's Your eye in the storm 
Wanting only good for me
And if You are the war 
Let me be the casualty 
'Til I'm Yours alone I am 
only Yours I am Yours alone, Lord 

Work it!!

The harder it is to achieve, the sweeter the success.

Know this. Always.

if it's always calm seas and bed of roses in my life,
or if there's not much walls for me to break through,
not much bumps and holes on the road I travel on,
no falling or bruising,
then there's no chance for God's grace and power to manifest in my life.
All that He is, is greatly and truly shown in the darkest and roughest weathers.
Let no tribulation strike you down.
Let no difficulty take more glory than our God.

It's been a while

Just want to share with you some guidelines to measure your maturity in your walk with God here :) Bear in mind that none of us are already there, as in fully matured, but we are all learning and growing and moving towards it.

From 1 corinthians 13:13

1. Faith
How deep is my knowledge of God's word? Is my foundation of life found in God? And do I have a personal relationship with Him?

2. Hope
Do I hope for the second coming of God? If I do, I will have a kingdom mentality rather than a worldly one. Do I use my time, money and resources for His purpose or for my own?

3. Love
How is my relationship with other people? Do I enjoy being with them? How well do I relate and care for them?

Truly a wake up call for me when I received this teaching. So I hope it helps some of u too :)

This love

God, You alone shall be my source of security. Let my eyes not wander off too far from You. I know You've made me to be loved by You. Because You have known me before I was even conceived. It's a fact that nothing can change.

Before you start to be wobbly again about your identity, stop letting yourself envy the partial truths people are revealing about their lives.

Even if we only see our shortcomings, God sees us and all the reasons to keep pursuing us. Let a heart rooted in God's love, so saturated, be the most precious possession in your life.

Pray for meh

I've been saying a lot of sorry's lately. I dont know why but i just overlooked so many things these few days! Arghh

What is this extra forgetfulness n irresponsible-ness. Roxeh, wake up and be more alert pleaseee. Get back on track!

Do all that you can.

"In order to do as Philipians 4:8 tells us, you need to focus your attention to those things that will influence you to think and act in a way that glorifies God.

For example, read the Bible and Christian books that will encourage you to grow spiritually. Do not read books that will encourage thoughts and acts that do not please God. That includes books that advocate other religions, secularism and pornography. The same goes to music, movies and videos. Do everything possible to focus your thinking and affections to God."

Saturdays like this

A simple day out with the family made me feel blessed all over again!
Thanks to Pa, Ma, Mei, and Di for coming to visit me.
I'm thankful for quality times such as this :')

I love and miss them more than i know and have ever said.
If u can spend even the shortest time with your family today, don't miss the chance.

And yeap, my love language is definitely quality time :)

Morning songs

Come and make my heart Your home
Come and be everything I am and all I know
Search me through and through
Till my heart becomes a home for You

:')

Evil doesn't need you to stand with it. It wins when you don't take a stand. -Mike Wittmer

Words i'm learning to say more frequently

Can i help you?

Hope u wont pass judgements. but I can really feel myself squeezed out of the layers of my comfort zone when they are spoken. And even more so when it comes to the doing.

But haven't u heard? It's fresh air out here. Clear of the haze that says you can't do it :)

When there's too much feels

The other day, I looked out the window and saw a full rainbow painted out in the sky. I jumped in my seat and tried to recall when was the last time this amazing sensation came to me. I couldn't remember :)

Too long. That's how long. Hahaha. It's like a touch from the Creator Himself.

Sometimes I really magnify my glories and troubles too much. A rainbow do help in clearing the fog and re-positioning perspectives. It's true that idols can be made from almost anything, as long as it starts receiving more attention and priority than God. My insecurities, my successes. It's a gentle slope with no signs and sudden turnings along the way. Reminders such as this simple rainbow is something I need daily. 

When it's Him that's becoming bigger and more, help me to not mind being small. 

Needs and wants.

A busy tomorrow with a jam-packed week following tightly behind makes me think how convenient and efficient it'd be to have a car. 

I am envious but I believe I am learning and made stronger through such times, when I'm going up stream.

I rely on Your strength Dad. I pray we all do.

:)

Lesson of today

Selflessness takes a lot of courage.

A day in the life of..

This road. is so crazay.
Was asked by friends to be hand-model (HAHA) for their video project but today when I really took a good look at them, my reaction was "Why my hands so ugly one?"

hahahahhahaha

Stains of acrylic here and there. Pen ink. Paper cuts.
Wanna know what I've been up to then just take a look at my hands and they'll give you a pretty good idea.

By far the best week yet for this semester. I've had so many ups and downs just in a few days.
insufficient sleep and unbalanced diet. everyday go class for sure will meet my classmates looking half awake and half wishing they're awake. I suddenly feel that these years of studies will really make and change me so much. Hopefully it's still for the best! Good thing is, I can still hear people say to me," you still look pretty alive" Hallelujah really only can praise God. hahaha.

I want the weekends! I want that extra hour!
so many books to read
so many emails to reply
so many new songs to explore
so many things to clean up on my table
so many people to talk to
so many things to move because we are moving houses in two days time
so many fruits to eat
so much rests to take

Blogging helps pull me back to sanity in a way. Calms my stormy thoughts too.
Back to work!

:D

Behind the lovey dovey

Spent an afternoon with Mrs-Lip-to-be today and I got to catch just a glimpse of how couples who are getting married are like. Hahaha.
She is a woman of independence, joy and humility. Whenever I'm around her I'm just infected with her cheeky yet mature behaviors. 
I got to see that when two people are joined in this beautiful blueprint of marriage, one simply does things for the other no matter how inconvenient or challenging it is.
There is always a giving hand and a taking one. Each taking its turn to do the opposite regularly, too. 
An eye for details on the things that the other might have missed, and gently (or sometimes more sternly) point it out and fix it together. 
Making a conscious effort to not remain ignorant and comfortable of the things that are slowly wearing and tearing. 
Always thinking far for each other. 
Always setting a God-glorifying example to the people around them, especially the younger ones, like me. Bahaha.

Those are just a few that I can name. I enjoy seeing her grocery shopping. Haha is that weird. She encourages me along the way, while her actions are in sync with what she advises. Thank you for spending your time to do all these little things with me. I'm excited to see you walk down the aisle on July! :) 

What cuts remind me of.

Two cuts. Same day. Different occasion. Same thumb. 
Urghh what is thisssss. One from cutting board. The other time, got cut by paper. 
Honestly this has never happened before so I took a picture and am now writing about it. Kinda exciting! HAHA :)
I'm unto fun projects this semester. point of purchase display design, english scripted dialogue, FASHION SHOW, malaysia's heritage project and maneh more. 

though we're always complaining that there's too much work and dried up from designing, truthfully I believe we still enjoy piecing our artwork together. At least for myself this much is true :) 
At times I do feel like crying when i hear deadlines, but I can't deny that I'm in the right place for now.
What I do and like to do may appear small and silly to some, I'll still choose to give in my best. 
My purpose is not small. Every move of my hand on the canvas yearns to speak so much more than just colours and shapes. 
Hopefully one day it will really be heard! :)
My help comes from the One who breathes life into me, my life is His and I'm humbled to have Him use it as He wills it. 

A lil' cut and bruise ain't gonna bring me down!

Skip along.

Holding a grudge is too much work.
wears out the soul and sinks you deep into a dark place
so I'll choose to be lighthearted and let things go
When bad things happen, just shrug it off and say 'oh well'
Because I have a big God, I can just brush it off my shoulders 
focus on what's important and worthy, right? :)

My God is soooo big. I see no end to His grace.
I believe I can do it!! 

Praying and meeting

Oh let my heart fear you, Lord, and not anything else that disguises to be You. They may seem to satisfy me now, but God teach me to value things that don't expire but are everlasting. Stop giving in to my own selfish and fleshly desires but surrender to Your tender calling. This is my prayer tonight. My heart sings thank You Lord :) 

Adventures. No kidding.

I took one huge step (or many little steps) closer to my family few days ago. There was a slight argument between us that, now as I reflect back, was God's beautiful way of bringing something greater out of it. I was heartbroken from the words they said. It ached so much to bring me to my knees before God and surrender it unto Him.

And guess what. We talked it through and every misunderstanding and unsaid words were all laid out. Finally. And it felt so good. By His love that bonds us, reconciliation could take place. God knew my heartbreak, but at the same time He also prepared the remedy for it to be able to testify and rejoice Him at the end. *TEARS OF SWEET JOY!!*

He knows what it takes for us to become stronger as a household. and I praise Him because we can pull through every big or small obstacle as our family worships and glorifies the same God together. What a way to experience His mysterious ways of working. And yet I'm only scratching the surface of it :)

The old must go..

I don't always use picks. But when I do, I break them. Half of the time :'(

Thank you JiaRong for giving me a new one :) A small gift but it carries so much joy for me!

I guess the old must get broken and thrown out before the new can come

:)

Thankful for Love.

If this sem's timetable gonna be the way that it is (10 hours at campus 4 days a week), then let it. 
let my hands and heart work in Your delight every second. 
It actually makes me hungry from needing all the extra nutrients, spiritual nutrients.
I'm feeling the thirst. The hunger will build up each day. 
But it's such a joyful and hopeful kind of hunger. So filled with promises. 

I'm so thankful for having You, God. I really don't know what I would do without You. Thanks for loving me :')

My dream.

.. is to loosen up.


BAHAHHBHAHAHABAHHAAA.
People, work with me in this okay. Love you guys *huggg*

Team and work.

I'm usually drained from all the planning and it seems like it always takes a lot of me. Loneliness and discouragements are inevitable :/

But tonight I'm sent warm reminders again of the goodness of being in a team. When we meet and gather, focusing our thoughts on God, He works in His amazing ways. 

Note to self: Though team members come and go with the seasons, I should always focus on the 'now' that we share together. My efforts don't sustain the team, it never can. Only the One who is in control can. I may not learn new things every time I'm running with new team mates, but I'm definitely reminded of what I'd forgotten somewhere in the middle. It always brings joy and peace to remember that. One thing's for sure --- He's always the faithful team leader. Oh how I'm counting on You, Dad :) 

I'm back. With a whole new wrap! jk LOL.

"You're back!"
"Wow you look different, did you cut your hair AGAIN?"
"Are those spectacles new?"

My heart got all warmed up as I receive greetings after greetings to me for coming back to PJ. What a blessing it is to come 'home' to familiar faces and familiar smiles.

I did not plan this but somehow I decided to part my hair differently and got a new pair of spectacles with my sister before returning from my dear hometown. I hope it's a reflection of my heart's desire for a change as well :D

The stakes are higher. More things that I hold dear will be put out on the line for greater things to come. Faith will be stretched and tested. I just know it from all the already opened doors that are welcoming me. I may be more ready than I know, that's why I choose love over fear. I pray and believe that God will stand in between me and the temptations that will be put against me.

There is no place in the future that He's not already there. And that fact is as certain as Him being there in my past and right here and now as I type. This marks my first ever post in 2013 and I know it's a year where everyday is written with "Adventure with God" on it!Deepest and dearest love to you all :)

Roxyanne.